Angry Rant

Sorry I haven't been posting as much. I sort of stopped posting because I wasn't sure if anyone read my posts anymore, and it's a pain to write down on here if no one is going to read it. I'm certainly not complaining, just saying. We're all very busy, and that's perfectly fine.

On the other hand, this is the one place I can put my thoughts that only the kachinas (and you all) can read. Coal can't read this, Flame can't read this, Star Dancer can't read this, the Fire Lord can't read this. It's nice to have somewhere private.

Especially after what happened yesterday.

What happened yesterday, you ask? (Well, you didn't ask because you didn't read this, but I'll just pretend someone does.)

Blaze (17 year old spy and Coal's best friend) found my journal, and read it.

I'm so upset! That sneaky, coniving, no-good, nosey, SPY! (He actually is a spy.) He had no right to do that! There was no reason for him to! I hadn't been disrespecting the Fire Lord or plotting against him. Blaze had no right or reason to do what he did.

Of course he wouldn't be punished for it even if I went to the Fire Lord and told him. Blaze is a spy, which basically gives him free reign of everyone's everything (excepting the Fire Lord, of course).

All my secret thoughts (on everything from costumes to marriage), wishes, hopes, dreams, childhood crushes (including one on Coal), and bits of stories and poems I've written. He read it all! I can't even imagine why he would do that! Blaze isn't as good a friend to us kachinas as Coal is, but he's still our close friend and fellow Palace-dweller. What could his motives possibly be?

I found out when I caught him putting the journal back. I was shocked for two reasons.

Reason One: the Palace spies almost never get caught red-handed (unless they want to for some reason).

Reason Two: the obvious, he was holding my journal.

By look on his face when I cried out and flew for the journal made it clear that Blaze had not wanted to get caught.

"What are you doing?" I cried, lunging for the journal. I was surprised that I actually caught it, and snatched it from Blaze's fingers. I hugged the little scroll against my chest. "How could you? Did you read it?" Blaze blinked, then regained his composure.

"Of course I read it," he said indifferently. "It's my job to know what goes on in the Palace of Furier."

I scowled fiercely, my eyes glowing red. "That does not include prying into my personal affairs, Blaze! You had no right to do this!!" Blaze crossed his arms.

"I did have a right, kachina," he said, calling me by my occupation, something I hate. It's condescending the way he and the other sparkers say it when they're upset. "I have a right to look into anything I feel necessary. You know that."

"This was most certainly not necessary!" I shouted, stamping my foot. "What did you read? Tell me what you read this instant!" Blaze raised his eyebrows.

"I must tell you nothing," he said. "But since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you that I read it all. Every word, every inch."

Hot, angry tears filled my red eyes. I shouted all the insults I could think of, one after the other. Blaze actually seemed shocked at how angry I was, and it's hard to shock a spy. He just kind of shrugged and left the kachina keep. I slammed the door behind him and cried tears of pure rage for a while.

Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but it was to me. My journal was my one sanctuary, my one private place.

I told Coal what had happened later yesterday, and he actually sided with me. He can be so wonderful like that. He went and scolded Blaze something awful about behaving with integrity and a few other things that I never thought I'd hear Coal say in my defense.

That made me feel a lot better, because something about having Coal on one's side makes the whole world brighter.

This was definitely a rant. I hope someone read it...*laughs* Ah, well, it was good to rant anyway.