Is it paranoia if it's true?

I think some of my friends plan to kill me. They probably will kill me sooner, now that I'm on to them. Friends, please don't kill me. I am enjoying life somewhat at the moment, and killing me could impede my happiness. Is that actually a rant?

So, how are you/what's up?

What, honestly, is the point of asking this if 1) You don't really care about the answer and 2) The other person will just say "nm" and go back to ignoring you?

Sure, it's polite, and sometimes it's nice to be asked. But most of the time when you give an actual answer, like, "I'm really tired" or "About to have lunch, you?" The conversation just stops there. Can't anyone come up with something more creative to ask, or at least respond to your reply? I hate when I put a lot of effort into keeping a conversation going and just get one word answers.

Oh, wonderful. Someone just sent me a message on Facebook asking "why r u so weird". You'd think they'd have something better to do at fricking 1 am... like uh, sleeping? I don't really know quite how to feel about this. On one hand, I admire her for being straight up about it instead of just gossiping about me. On the other hand, it's just completely rude.

Also -- wait, she just replied. "are u bi". How creative, man. People are stupid.

By the way, Ember, I have been reading your posts. Sorry for not commenting, and sorry that this is my first post since this blog started... I just didn't know what to talk about until now. Hope I did this right.

Angry Rant

Sorry I haven't been posting as much. I sort of stopped posting because I wasn't sure if anyone read my posts anymore, and it's a pain to write down on here if no one is going to read it. I'm certainly not complaining, just saying. We're all very busy, and that's perfectly fine.

On the other hand, this is the one place I can put my thoughts that only the kachinas (and you all) can read. Coal can't read this, Flame can't read this, Star Dancer can't read this, the Fire Lord can't read this. It's nice to have somewhere private.

Especially after what happened yesterday.

What happened yesterday, you ask? (Well, you didn't ask because you didn't read this, but I'll just pretend someone does.)

Blaze (17 year old spy and Coal's best friend) found my journal, and read it.

I'm so upset! That sneaky, coniving, no-good, nosey, SPY! (He actually is a spy.) He had no right to do that! There was no reason for him to! I hadn't been disrespecting the Fire Lord or plotting against him. Blaze had no right or reason to do what he did.

Of course he wouldn't be punished for it even if I went to the Fire Lord and told him. Blaze is a spy, which basically gives him free reign of everyone's everything (excepting the Fire Lord, of course).

All my secret thoughts (on everything from costumes to marriage), wishes, hopes, dreams, childhood crushes (including one on Coal), and bits of stories and poems I've written. He read it all! I can't even imagine why he would do that! Blaze isn't as good a friend to us kachinas as Coal is, but he's still our close friend and fellow Palace-dweller. What could his motives possibly be?

I found out when I caught him putting the journal back. I was shocked for two reasons.

Reason One: the Palace spies almost never get caught red-handed (unless they want to for some reason).

Reason Two: the obvious, he was holding my journal.

By look on his face when I cried out and flew for the journal made it clear that Blaze had not wanted to get caught.

"What are you doing?" I cried, lunging for the journal. I was surprised that I actually caught it, and snatched it from Blaze's fingers. I hugged the little scroll against my chest. "How could you? Did you read it?" Blaze blinked, then regained his composure.

"Of course I read it," he said indifferently. "It's my job to know what goes on in the Palace of Furier."

I scowled fiercely, my eyes glowing red. "That does not include prying into my personal affairs, Blaze! You had no right to do this!!" Blaze crossed his arms.

"I did have a right, kachina," he said, calling me by my occupation, something I hate. It's condescending the way he and the other sparkers say it when they're upset. "I have a right to look into anything I feel necessary. You know that."

"This was most certainly not necessary!" I shouted, stamping my foot. "What did you read? Tell me what you read this instant!" Blaze raised his eyebrows.

"I must tell you nothing," he said. "But since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you that I read it all. Every word, every inch."

Hot, angry tears filled my red eyes. I shouted all the insults I could think of, one after the other. Blaze actually seemed shocked at how angry I was, and it's hard to shock a spy. He just kind of shrugged and left the kachina keep. I slammed the door behind him and cried tears of pure rage for a while.

Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but it was to me. My journal was my one sanctuary, my one private place.

I told Coal what had happened later yesterday, and he actually sided with me. He can be so wonderful like that. He went and scolded Blaze something awful about behaving with integrity and a few other things that I never thought I'd hear Coal say in my defense.

That made me feel a lot better, because something about having Coal on one's side makes the whole world brighter.

This was definitely a rant. I hope someone read it...*laughs* Ah, well, it was good to rant anyway.

Furier

This is what the Palace of Furier looks like, only it's gold and not...clay, or whatever.

Bangles are very popular in Furier.

This is what the Fire Lord's throne looks like, only it's much bigger and is more solidly gold.

What some of the inside of the Palace looks like: http://www.lynx-travel.com/Vacations/HAL%20Wester%20Aug05/St%20Petersburg/Gold-Gilded-Door-In-Catherines-Palace.jpg

Furier is a busy and slightly exotic city. It's located in the south-eastern part of Jeolotoe.

**Weather: Furier is hot almost all the time. During the winter months, it gets to be a trifle chilly, chilly enough to wear long sleeves and shoes, but that's as cold as it gets. Rain doesn't happen terrible often, either, which is one reason why most fire fairies live here. You see, fire fairies can't be exposed to untreated water.

**Culture: Furierite culture mostly centers around the Fire Lord. Everyone respects and fears him. More so the Palace inhabitants than just the peasants. The Fire Lord doesn't venture out into the city very much, so many peasants have never even seen him up close.

Furierite culture has a lot to do with dancing. Everyone dances. It's a big thing. Of course, only Palace kachinas are trained in the art, but everyone knows the traditional Furierite dancing.

I've been told that Furierite culture greatly resembles that of Persia.

**Inhabitants: Primarily fire fairies, but there are plenty of humans living in Furier, too. I believe we have a couple of woodland elf families as well.

**Government: I've been through this before. The Fire Lord is lord over everything.

**Main export: Treated water. Our smokers ship it to all the cities that fire fairies live in.

**Main import: Fish. Furier is land-locked.

If you have any questions, or if I was unclear about anything, let me know. I do love questions. *smiles*

Andrew, if I'm posting too much, or about the wrong kind of thing, just tell me and I'll stop posting so often.

Definitely a Rant: The Inhabitants of Jeolotoe

Jeolotoe is the world in which I live. It's large, though not so large as Earth, I understand. Jeolotoe has a lot of water. It's mainland is where I live, and then there are many surrounding islands that are inhabited. No one has ever made it across the great Namarian Sea and returned, though, so no ones what's beyond that great body of water. Possibly more land, possibly nothing. No one knows.I haven't the slightest idea how many creatures inhabit Jeolotoe. I honestly don't. But I can tell you of all the different races living here.

1. Fire fairies, of course! I don't know how familiar you are with us as a race, so let me tell you just a bit about us.

**Appearance: We are not tiny as many foolish pictures and stories say. We're just as big as any human; our shapes and sizes vary as much as anyone's. A fully grown fire fairy has wings that are a bit over four feet tall. I'm finished growing, so I'll use myself to explain things. My wings extend about a foot or so above my head, and go down to somewhere around my knees. My wings are red and orange in a swirled pattern.

A Furierite fire fairy's skin is peach colored, but rosier than a human's. All fire fairies have naturally rosy skin. The fire fairies living up near Brightwood have paler skin, but it's still rosy. The fire fairies living in and around Jules have darker, cinnamon-colored skin, but their cheeks still have a pink tint to them.

Our eyes are the feature that seem to fascinate humans the most. A fire fairy's eyes are like a mood ring. When we are happy or calm, our eyes are blue. When we are afraid, unhappy, or worried, our eyes are green. If we are angry or frustrated, our eyes turn red. If we are sick, our eyes turn clear.

Oh, and I almost forgot! We can't fly. I know, strange, isn't it? I don't know why. Our wings just don't seem to be strong or sturdy enough to keep us up.

**Government: We are ruled by the Fire Lord. The title Lord is passed down through families. Most Lords have a royal family, but the Fire Lord has not married yet, and he has no immediate plans to change that. The Fire Lord makes all the rules and everyone in Furier and Brightwood is expected to follow them. If you don't, you are punished. The Fire Lord has guards that live in the Palace of Furier, outside of it, behind it in the Slave's Village, and in the city, all watching and acting like the police would on Earth.

**Religion: None. We worship only the Fire Lord, and *everyone* worships him.

2. Humans: You know about humans, you *are* human. *smiles* Humans in Jeolotoe are much the same as humans on Earth. I'll describe each group of humans when I talk about the different towns, cities, and kingdoms in Jeolotoe.

3. Woodland elves:

**Appearance: Woodland elves arae all very short, rosy-cheeked, freckle-faced, and typically redheaded. They are also inclined to be fat. They do love their food. Woodland elves are famous for their cooking and feasting.

**Government: The woodland elves live in a forest called Brightwood, which the Fire Lord rules, so their government is basically the same as ours. However, Brightwood is a little ways away from Furier, so their culture is quite different. Woodland elves are very peacful, though, so even though they could probably disobey the Fire Lord plenty and no one would ever find out, they don't.

**Religion: They're supposed to worship the Fire Lord, I guess, but they don't seem to do it much. They don't really seem to worship anyone or anything, except maybe nature itself. I've heard that they have all sorts of tributes to nature. They have a celebration for almost everything: Spring, summer, mid-summer, fall, end-fall, winter, the first snow, and probably more.

3. Faire elves: Fair elves are supposed to be the fairest race of all. Unfortunately, they left Jeolotoe a long time ago and no one has seen them since. They were supposed to be very tall, very beautiful, and very graceful. They could supposedly use magic and had unparalelled reflexes.

4. Merpeople: This is going to take longer than I thought, talking about all the races in Jeolotoe. I'm going to be brief from now on.

**Appearance: Beautiful, lovely voice. Their coloring is different depending on where they live.

**Government: Who knows? It's all underwater! The merpeople are rarely seen (I've never met anyone who's seen one) and they don't care a thing about us, so we don't care much about them. Especially us Furierites. Furier is completely land-locked.

**Religion: The same as for Government. We haven't any idea what the merpeople worship.5. Dragons: Wise, old, huge, terrifying. Rarely seen, rarely told about. They keep to themselves mostly. We don't even know where they live. Somewhere far west, I suppose.

6. Dwarves: *sighs* Short, stocky, grumpy, bearded, mountain-dwelling.

**Government: They have a king, and some sort of commitee that decide the rules.

**Religion: The dwarves believe they were born out of the stone, and when they die, they will return to stone. They don't worship any god.

7. Pixies: The nasty little mini-things are nearly exstinct, thank the Fire Lord. Any that remain live in Brightwood. They're nasty little things that reek havoc and mischief on all around them. They're cute and their pixie dust can cure just about anything, but they bite something dreadful.

I guess that's about all the races. Some other time I'll tell about all the cities in Jeolotoe (there are eight in the mainland).

How the Palace Operates

Today I'll talk about the way the Palace opperates.

The Fire Lord is lord over everything. If he makes a law, you follow it. If he doesn't like your outfit, you change it. If he thinks you eat to much, go on a diet. That's the surest way to live to be an old sparktress (or sparker). At freshly fifteen, I think I'm going quite well. *smiles*

Next we have any royal family. The current Fire Lord is not married and doesn't have any sparklets. (At least none he's claimed. I have a sneaking suspicion that he has a few.) He has some distant relations, though that live in the area near the Palace, but outside the wall. They don't have an political standing, but they're rich and not taxed as heavily as the commoners are (which makes no sense to me).

The highest authority after that would have to be the military leaders. I really don't know much about this. The rankings of the military personal are beyond me. The Fire Lord's army isn't anything enormous, but no one has been foolish enough to attack. Yet.

Next we have the spies. The Fire Lord is quite proud of his spies, almost as proud as he is of his kachinas. *grins* The Fire Lord's pride in his spies is mostly because of Coal. Coal really is an exceptional spy. He's clever and sneaky and everyone likes him and he's the most amazing liar. He can trick you into saying something, charm you into giving something away, sneak into your house and find out what he needs to know, or just sneak up behind you and put a knife to your throat. He can do it all.

The guards are next. Actually, the guards probably tie with the spies in official rank. Flame is the head guard, and he's quite good. He knows the Palace and the Palace schedule like the back of his own hand, and he has the intimidation thing down to a science.

Kachinas are probably next. We have absolutely no royal standing whatsoever, but we're treated better than any of the other slaves or servants. The Fire Lord is proud of us and likes to show us off. We're quite good at what we do, but a lof people dislike us. That's mostly due the label put on kachinas. We're apparently supposed to be selfish and spoiled and sleezy. Well, we aren't. Especially not sleezy. Can we help it if we're talented and everyone else isn't?

Next we have the Fire Lord's personal slaves. They're treated fine, just not as highly praised as we kachinas.Then come the cooks and kitchen staff. We Furierites do love a good feast.

Here are were the peasants, commoners, and household slaves/servants are put. They have no royal or political standing whatsoever and are treated like nothing.

Lastly, the outlaws, prisoners, and rebels. All are eventually executed, so their low standing doesn't stick around much anyhow.

I guess this is the time to explain executions to you. Executions in Furier are conducted by burning at the stake. It's both extremely painful and extremely sad to us fire fairies to be killed by the element that we are so close to. Since our bodies are somewhat resistant to fire, it is a long death. Humans die quicker by burning than we do.

Rebels are perhaps killed in the worst ways. I can't really go into detail about that because I've never seen a rebel execution, but I hear they're something horrible. Coal's told us all about them, but who knows how much of it is true.

That's all for now, I guess! Thanks for reading! If I'm posting too much, don't hesitate to tell me. Or if this isn't exactly "ranting" and you'd like me to stop, let me know. As always, if you're confused (and care to understand), you can ask me about anything.

Oops. I Ranted.

Andrew asked for a book about the Fire Lord and his "underlings". I told him that any such book would be in the Palace Library (and therefore inexcessible for a kachina like me), but I can do my best to construct something.I'm not really sure where to begin, though. And I'm not sure if Andrew wants something more like history, or more like...military standings. I'll have to ask him...

So, Andrew, what would you like to know? *smiles*

For now, I guess I'll do a little of both. Maybe sometime I can elaborate.

As long as I can remember very well, I've lived here at the Palace. I had a home before this, of course, but after my parents died, Firefly and Flare and I were taken to live here, along with many other sparklets whose parents had died at the same time. I'm honestly not clear what happened there. No one talks about it, and every time we ask, we're shushed. It's one of those topics that you learn young not to mention.

I was always meant to be a kachina, ever since I was brought here when I was four years old. The Fire Lord saw potential in me along with about fifty other sparktresses that had been brought to the Palace with us. We were all put into kachina training, which was something like a extreme fitness hell. As old toddlers, we did sit-ups and push-ups and endurance exercises and flexibility exercises and all kinds of other things. Little by little, the class of kachinas-in-training were weeded out.

By age six, if you couldn't pass the kachina test, you were taken out of the class and put...I don't know what happened to the ones that weren't good enough. All I know is that Firefly and Flare and I (and most of our friends) always made the cuts.

By age seven, I could do five hundred sit-ups without cramping up, do a hundred push-ups before I broke a sweat, and run around the entire Palace fifty times before I got tired. I was the perfect kachina in training. By this time, there were only about twenty sparktresses left in the kachina class. I, followed closely by Flare, was the best kachina in class.

At age seven also, we began learning some basic routines. Now, don't be fooled by the word "basic". It doesn't mean "not challenging", it just means "short". There were plenty of high kicks and splits and things to do in the routines.

Up until this point, I've only covered the "human" aspects of kachina training. Now I'm going to go over some fire fairy bits.

Kachinas not only dance with their bodies, but with fire. Let me tell you that creating the ideal fire streamer is no easy task. It has to be just the right width, length, and color. (The color is determined by how hot the flame is. To be able to make an ideal flame, which is blue and red, I had to practice for weeks.)

In case you were wondering, we fire fairies can create fireballs, fire strands, fire streamers, sparks, etc. with our hands. We just loosely cup our hands, and make a fireball. Fire streamers are made the same way. By positioning our fingers right and using muscles that I can't explain to a human, we can shoot out a length of fire. Fire strands and ropes are the same. However, a true master can shoot fire from his fingertips as well as palms.

It's difficult to shoot fire from one's fingertips because that's where the fireshields are located. Since the shields are obviously fire-resistant, it's extremely difficult to make fire around them. The shield can be put up with our fingertips. We just hold up our hands, fingertips toward the enemy or approaching fireball, and shoot out a blue, force-field-like shield that can block the ball. (The shield has about the same diameter as big as a beach ball.) A fire shield can also be used to put out a fire or to cool a burn.

Ah, here I am, getting all side-tracked. I was supposed to be talking about Furierite history, but I ended up talking about kachina training. I was supposed to be talking about kachina training, and I ended up talking about how to create fire. I guess that's what you would call a rant. *smiles* I'm no good at posting. Oh well. Thanks for reading!

Another insomnia post.

Well, it's 3:00 am and I have been awake forever. Why must I be cursed with insomnia??? Seriously, there could be far worse things. I should probably stop whining on the rant blog. But ranting relieves so much stress! It is really addictive. This post probably won't be 100% coherent when I publish it. I am not very eloquent right about now. Well, I might as well rant at unimportant things now: My sister will never have any friends, because she is mean and selfish and filthy. Summer is really boring, but on the other hand I'm not in a Soviet era goulag. And Gollum bites off Frodo's finger. (blech) Olay, rant done, I can haz sleep nao?

A Journey I'll Always Treasure

We just got back from Jules. What a long return journey. So tiring. So hot. So boring. So thirsty.

I'm quite angry at myself for not posting more than I did. Jules was the most fantastic city (besides my own). Well, alright, I guess I can't really say that since it's the only city besides Furier that I've visited.

Now that it's been a few days, I can't remember all the delicious details of the visit. What I do remember:

The food was delicious! The spices were odd, though; sweeter and not as hot as Furierite food. There was more fruit, too, and lots of ice.

The clothes the Julese wore was just amazing. Everyone dresses like a kachina there! Here's a picture of one of the dresses the Empress wore. This is my favorite: http://www.dancingrahana.com/images/products/detail/costume68.jpg Even though the Julese colors are blue and white, it's apparently customary for the royal family to wear the colors of their guests' city. It's a hospitality thing.

Princess Sadira was a darling. She was adorable and quite pretty for a nine year old and she learned kachina dancing remarkably quickly. You could tell she was just going crazy inside to learn. The Emperor never caught us showing the princess how to dance, which was a remarkable stroke of luck, especially considering what bad luck I usually have.

Oh, here's another thing I remeber well: the Emperor and his family went to the Julese temple on Saturday to worship their gods (remember, those seven I told you about?). We weren't required to go, but I wanted to. Unfortunately, to go I would have had to get persmission from the Fire Lord, Firefly didn't think that would be a good idea. I happened to agree with her. Still, I wish I could have seen the inside of the temple. The outside was so beautiful, so big and blue and white and intricate.

I think being a guest is more exhausting than being at home! Having to be unfailingly polite all the time, having to use Julese words for things, trying not to break any strange rules or customs, entertaining until the wee hours, and then still getting up at five. I'm so tired! And these past six days traveling through the desert have been anything but rejuvenating. I think the Fire Lord is tired, too, so I don't think he'll call us in to entertain him tonight. The second I'm finished with this post, I'm going straight to bed and having a glorious six-hour sleep.

However tired I might be, I'll never regret going to Jules. I'll remember it always and treasure it in my heart. Thanks for reading (if anyone even is...)! Goodbye!